Do clothes make the man? Or does a man make the clothes

Carrying on a recent clothing theme…

I was at the mall the other day (being a child of the 80’s, I love the mall), and I’m a bit perturbed and jealous.

First, the perturbed. Have you noticed (and if you’re not a man, you probably haven’t) how LITTLE there is for men at the mall? Clothes wise, I mean. It seems like unless you’re a twiggish teen or middle aged duffer, your choices for clothes are pretty limited.

Since I’m not a twiggish teen (I am, after all, the Gym Dog), I’m not going to find my clothes at the same store as my 18 year old son. Anchor Blue, Hollister, American Eagle…cool looking clothes, and if I was 20+ years younger, I’d be shopping there. But I’m not, so I don’t. And let’s face it, is there anything more pathetic than an adult man who has not realized that dressing like a teen is just…well, wrong? (Okay, an adult man who dresses like a teen but also dates teenage girls is creepier, but that’s something we can discuss later.)

And where is it written that when you hit a certain age you have to start dressing like a Jimmy Buffet fan (no offense to Jimmy Buffet fans, of course)? Tommy Bahama? I think now. There’s a time for stuff like that, I suppose, but as a form of clothing to wear on a regular basis, I respectfully decline. I might BE middle aged, but I don’t FEEL middle aged, and I’m not ready to buy into the whole dressed-like-a-retiree-playing-shuffleboard thing. Which leads me to the jealousy comment.

I am jealous of women. I don’t walk around seething about it, of course, but really, if you’re a woman, you have SO many choices. The mall is all about women! Walk into Dillards and you literally have half of the store to wander thru in search of the perfect outfit.

And check out the women’s shoes section! All those colors and styles, each saying something different. As I walked thru Dillards, I couldn’t help but notice how much the shoe section just…glittered. The men’s section, by comparison, is pretty much browns and blacks, with the same styles offered by diffent companies.

And have you been to a DSW shoe store, or Famous Footwear, or any of those other places? Easily 90% womens shoes, and the other 10% is men and kids.

On a side note, there’s not much sexier than a nice pair of legs in a pair of high heels (and I mean WOMENS legs, you perverts).

Yes, yes, women have it harder. I do not envy women all of the waxing, shaving, plucking, dying, stretch marks, and all of the other things that go with being a woman. But when it comes to updating their wardrobes…well, there is where I have to admit that I feel the world of men needs improving.

Have you ever noticed that in old video footage from the middle of the last century, the men are always in suits? When, exactly, did that change? Probably the 60’s, when it was seen as being a conformist for a young person to walk out of the house in a suit. And I’ll admit, the suits weren’t that impressive, mostly greys and blacks, but the simple fact of the matter is men CARED about how they looked when they left the house.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not advocating a return to the 50’s and the era of slim ties and fedoras. The racism and sexism of that time is best left there.

Sadly, there is little you can do when it comes to offering men more choices. Calvin Klein said it best: “Nothing earth-shattering has happened in men's fashion. How much can you do with men's clothes?”

But how about somebody comes up with some stuff that says, “I am a strong, confident man, and I may not be a teenager, but I’m not ready for Bingo Night at the Senior Center.”

Now, if you’ll excuse me, Guitar Hero on the 360 is calling my name.